"My fine young friend, you shouldn't be smoking that corncob pipe.
Your Father shouldn't leave it where you can reach it? "
"It's OK, no dad left it where I could reach it, Uncle Bill made it for
me. It's OK, Pastor Hugaboo, He doesn't inhale at all. Hard to tell how he keeps it
lit though. Would you care for a hit?"
"That is revolting, not your offer but the child abuse inherent in, uh, where are your
parents young friend. "Oh Mom's interviewing for a job. Really good job too. Uncle Bill said
he was taking her in his office now. They told me to get along down the road awhile while
they interview. All I saw was him getting in the back of Uncle Bill's truck. He's not my real uncle, or else I've got hudreds of them. Ma's interviewing to be a schill
plant at the HillaryDee Bates(whoever that is) and the town halls. I planted seeds before
but not people. Mao said plant a hundred seeds let them grow and then harvest them. Wonder
if Uncle Bill is a Teddy or a Safe Johnny, as mom says."
“I think you are alluding to the Ms. Dee Bates that I am coming to see.”
“The mail box says HillaryBillaryBoo Clampett, Pastor Hugaboo, about a hundred yards down the road.”
"Thank you, young friend, and throw away that pipe, there is a bright future for you in God. How can you receive
it when you are high on drugs?"
"Oh I’m not high, Pastor Hugaboo, Uncle Bill exhaled everything that would burn. I just refilled it
with some cigarette butts. I want a future, Pastor Hug."
“That’s easy for you but hard for God, what’s your name?” “Geoff”
"Geoff, God transferred all of your sins into His Son, and judged them there in Him. Your sins are out of
the picture. All you have to do is believe in Jesus dying in your place and rising again from the dead. Then you are saved.
You get a resurrection life in God, a life with a beginning and no ending. Plus you share in all that God is and has. You
join his family."
"Yes I want that, I believe in Jesus and His death in my place and His resurrection. I believe."
"Great, Geoff. You made it. Now you need to work on your Mom. Meanwhile, I’ll work with Ms. Dee Bates."
Knock knock knock, ring ring ring, pound pound pound
"Morning Pastor Hugaboo, I'll fetch Mrs. Clampett." "Morning, Thank you." Hillary, entering the room while
talking on the phone, "...and I told O'Bumma and J.Ed. to just bring two each while Bill is finishing his thirtythird positive
screening interview now. Anderson and Wolf are due here in twenty minutes to start setting it all up. Oh,
"Pastor hugaboo, how are you? what brings you?"
"Your Hilarius Majesty, I just wanted to stop by and ask about the future not of the candidacy, but of your long eternal
future. I realise that your campaign has an uncanny ability to profit from the most embarrassing things, yet there are
other concerns. You see, as a pastor I look at these things as a barometer predicting the long eternal future of an
individual. I am here to tell you that the outcome need not be an unhappy one. This is because God the Father
sent His Son Jesus to suffer in penalty for all of our sins, yours too, even Bills, so that we would not have to live in sin
or pay an eternal penalty for them. He rose again from the dead, and returned to where He always was before as God in
Heaven, now the God man, and, oh how wonderful, He offers us a life united with Him and fullness of Joy forever more in heaven."
"Oh Pastor Hugaboo, I do want to thank you for your kind concern. I have already taken care of this matter
in my Methodist social action way. In fact, that is what launched me on this road to the presidency. Now I am
hoping you will join me in my quest for social justice. Are their any questions these hussies, er, I mean, Future Town
Hall Participators, any really good questions they might ask you?"
"That is the very behaviour that brought your need of salvation to mind. Can't we talk about avoiding the fires
of eternal torment? That is why God became a man: to suffer for you on the cross and to rise again to give you
the audacity of hope for the future. My dear Queen FlipFlop I beg you to consider these matters."
Now Pastor Hugaboo that question may work to differntiate among yourselves which should be the candidate. I want
questions that by their nature impugn and humiliate even stereotype the whole lot of you as bigotted and stereo typed racist
homophobes and warmongers."
"Oh, Anderson and wolf are here."
Please show Pastor Hugaboo out the rear door, Hussie.
"This way sir."
"Hello, exPresident Bill Clinton, I'm Governor Mike Huckabee. I understand you've been busy interviewing."
Mike, I tell you Schill interviewing is getting harder and harder. Before it was just schills for debates and speeches.
Now we need an army of Ron Paul supporters to stoke the third party that will shoo me and my wife back into the White
House where we belong.