Salaam comrades, salaam. Good people of Earth I, President Obama, am
pleased to bless you with my presence. My campaign appearances in my own nation are torpedoe-ing my already sinking popularity
at home. I am hoping that your praise for me will buoy up my flailing popularity numbers at home. To ensure a hearty healthy
praise for me I would also like to thank their graces Colonel ka-Daffy of Liarbya and Mamaluk Achmenidjihad of Persia to praise
me. We look forward with great anticipation to hearing my lord Achmenidjihad as he denies: the National Socialist and abortion
holocausts and the Alexandrian conquest of the Persian empire.
Thank you especially career U.N. administrative functionaries for tearing yourself away from trading food aid for sexual
favors wherever food distribution is safe and profitable, incidentally, you will be happy to know I am sending $20 billion
more for you to pilfer and waste away in food aid distribution. That reminds me to thank the Sudan for their work on
behalf of minority human rights from their position as UN human rights councilmember. Allah Akbar for the Jihad way.
I am also excited to go to the porno bordello capital of the world to make up a report for my brainchild ACORN back at
home. While in Copenhagen there will be something rotten in Denmark as I arrange the demolition of the American military arsenal.
Tomorrow I will meet with Frenchy, President of Burkina Faso. I will arrange with him a braid expert to arrange my family’s
hair into those hundreds of fashionable little tight braids.
I, President Obama, really came here today to argue with the U.N.s chief climatological scientist who yesterday stated
the world will cool for a decade and perhaps decades to come. My experts from Burkina Faso and Haiti have given me contradictory
reports that you will all die painful slow and excruciating deaths if you believe the U.N. reports and I have on display in
the foyer voodoo dolls of each of you to prove it.
Finally you are all crooked, but, I am not. I have a billion dollar campaign warchest and I have pledges for that much
more some of which came from potentates represented here to fight any vicious lie that I am crooked like you. It is hard to
stimulate an economy when your crooked-aciousness impedes investors from conducting business in your country. My David Axelrod
is available to help you polish up your image to help investors waste their capital in your country before you nationalize
their industries as I have done.
Additionally my ACORN brainchild is now idle and available to create ballot-worthy voter duplications to insure your political
future until the sex slave scandals blow over here at home. Which reminds me, please forsake your traditional national
family values at home and join our American style unmarried sex cult so you can take our abortion money we Americans happily
export your way using this August body as a condom, er, conduit.
Finally we must push God’s people into a tiny indefensible patch of territory so we can reach them with the cheapest
Are you with me, world? Knew you would be. Allah Akbar comrades.